Can You Become a People Person?
It seems that this is your first time to my blog. Welcome! In this blog I will share my ideas on how you can make a living in a way that feels good to you, your family, your environment and everyone around you. If you want to know more about me and this blog, check out my about page. And if you want to stay updated on my new posts, subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for stopping by!
In his book, The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell brings up a group of people that he calls Connectors. What these people have in common with each other is that they are collectors of acquaintances, people interested in people.
He simply likes people, in a genuine and powerful way, and he finds the patterns of acquaintanceship and interaction in which people arrange themselves to be endlessly fascinating. — He keeps on his computer a roster of 1,600 names and addresses, an on each entry is a note describing the circumstances under which he met the person.
That’s not how most of us act when it comes to people. In my Facebook friends list I have a list of about 40 people. This guy has a list of 1,600! And his list keeps growing faster and faster.
This got me thinking: Is being a people collector something hard wired in some people or is it a skill that we can improve by well planned practice?
Maybe it’s a bit of both.
Gladwell seems to think that these things come naturally from people like the one portrayed in the example. But it doesn’t have to mean that it couldn’t be learned by practice. Maybe if we start doing the same things they do we can earn our share of their skills as well.
I don’t know what will happen but I will start experimenting, and I invite you to do the same. Here’s my plan:
- Keep in touch with your acquaintances: In the era of Internet and e-mail it’s easier than ever. Get the e-mail addresses of the people you meet, ask them to be your friends at Facebook, and then send them notes from time to time. Connectors go still one step further: Get their birthdays, mark them in your calendar, and send a small hand written note to show that you remember.
- Get to know people: If you have commented on my blog and I haven’t sent you e-mail yet, you’ll hear from me soon. My plan is to e-mail everyone to hear a bit more about who are reading my writings. You can do the same: When you find a blog with interesting posts, leave a comment or take an extra step and send a short e-mail message to the blogger.
- Keep a people file: When the number of friends grows it gets harder to keep up with all of them. To make it easier, you can create a simple Excel file with the basic information, and some information about each person’s interests. Then when you find something interesting (for example a link), or meet a new person you can check who in your friends list would be interested in hearing about it.
- Introduce your friends to each other: When you meet someone new, go through your list of friends to see if there is someone who doesn’t know this person yet, but would likely be friends with her. Then go ahead and introduce them.
- Share information with your friends: Sign up to StumbleUpon, and start adding your friends as contacts at that site as well. Then whenever you find an interesting link you think your friends would enjoy, share it with them.
These are my first simple steps to get started. What do you think: can you and I become connectors, people persons?
Let’s get connected!
If you know me or would like to know me, add me to your Facebook friends or send me e-mail. If these approaches seem too extreme, you can start by commenting to this post and sharing your own tips for practicing approachability and becoming more people-oriented.
If you enjoyed this post and don't want to miss any of my new content, subscribe to my RSS feed or have the latest posts delivered straight to your e-mail inbox.
September 20th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Hi Jarkko,
throwing in my 2-cents… getting to know other people is something I really like. Sending an email can be an appropriate means for that. However, communicating with services like Facebook bother me a lot. You see, we all carry a lot of different account all coming with their own credentials. That’s OK up to a certain level. But it’s getting out of hands, because over and over new, potentially interesting services pop up, all requiring a new account. Even that is OK, we make our own decisions on whether to join some service or not.
But. Getting to the point. Now this ‘Facebook meme’ seems to be the latest hype. Only thing: everything is hidden behind a login (AFAIK)! So they might have interesting things to show, but only to the small amount of people on the internet having a Facebook account. Lots of other services have public profiles available (e.g. on LinkedIn you can view profiles without an account. Of course, I can give numerous other details. It stops for me where you *NEED* an account to be able to see anything interesting. So far no Facebook for me. Call me old-fashioned, but this is where I draw the line, for now at least. I’d be happy to see your view on this…
September 20th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Jarkko,
Surprisingly enough I just thought of doing something similar to this a few days ago. I really wanted to start connecting with people because networking is such a powerful tool. Not to mention having more connections can make you happier. The best tool I’ve used so far has just been to ask about them. Once you get them talking the connection is instantly made.
So, how are you?
September 20th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Yes, I think you can become a people person. I’ve become more of a people person over the last few years actually. Before I worked started working as a sales representative in my previous job I was a more of an introvert. After working with the public and HAVING to talk to all kinds of different people in that job, I really learned how to become a better people person.
I do try to keep in touch with people too. Either through IM or email. It’s good to just drop a quick note every now and again.
September 21st, 2007 at 9:22 am
Arjan: That’s an interesting question that would deserve a much more thorough reply than this, but here are some of my thoughts:
I actually like the fact that my profile in Facebook is not shown to everyone. This way I can be more open about who I am (although I’m really open in general as well…) and be sure that I’m sharing my information only with people I want to share it with.
I was also really sceptical towards Facebook in the beginning as well, but slowly by using it I have become more and more a fan of it as it helps me to keep in touch with people more effortlessly than through e-mail or other means of communication.
In Facebook it feels OK to just drop a short note on someone’s “Wall” while if you send e-mail it seems that you need to write something longer and more well-thought. :)
I’m still having a hard time explaining what Facebook really is about, though. But I like it.
Ravi: I’m fine :) And thanks for contacting me - you sure are right. The more you just start sending e-mail to people and getting in touch, the more you notice that people usually are just delighted about it.
Most of us are just waiting for someone to get in touch with us, afraid of taking the first step.
Deron: That’s definitely a good way to become more of a people person :) Thanks for sharing the “tip”.
September 21st, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Yesterday and today I found myself being quite a people person and enjoying it extremely. I went to a business meeting with an ad agency, and found out that we could actually do some business together. Our own business will be larger because of co-operative companies. Or it could be just an illusion. I also attended FinnGraf expo and talked to lots of people and…whoa…there was lots of business to do with the people I met.
September 21st, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Facebook? Hmm. I haven’t even tried that one as it seemed too much like MySpace. Do you use LinkedIn?
September 22nd, 2007 at 7:03 am
Yep. I use LinkedIn as well, although because there isn’t that much to personalize in there, I only visit it whenever someone new wants to add me as their friend ;)